spiritualjourneyman

Nothing much to say today

2008-03-03T11:10:00.004-05:00

Ah....it's March. It's a beautiful spring day, it is warm and the sun is shining....so why is it that I would much rather see it cloudy and snowy? My friend, Bryan, thinks I have seasonal depression...to that I say "Horse shit". I just like the winter season and wish we would have the kinds of snows we used to have here in the Appalachians.

I remember snow days as a kid when snow would be 1+ feet deep. This winter we've had one good snow fall of approximately 5 inches and it was all gone the next day. So why the change in snowfall? Is it global warming? oh wait....there's no such thing as global warming according to some...again...."Horse shit".

I could ramble on about politics...but no.

I could ramble on about the state of the economy....but no.

I could ramble on about the infatuation this country has with celebrities...but no.

I'm gonna ramble about some of my new favorite things:

1) TERRY's SNACKS - OK New but really not new is the return of Terry's Snacks. Terry's was a brand of potato chips and cheese snacks that was around when I was growing up. Now they're back. And I'm thrilled because NO BODY has ever and will ever make Cheese Puffs as good as Terry's Snacks. Not to mention the ketchup flavored potato chips!

2) TORCHWOOD - a spin-off of the wildly popular BBC show, Dr. Who...Torchwood features a kind of quirky, off-beat sense of humor that is similar that of Buffy the Vampire Slayer but this one is total sci-fi. A strong cast with interesting stories....this one is a must-see!

3) JOHN BARROWMAN - star of the aforementioned Torchwood...John Barrowman plays the omni-sexual Captain Jack Harkness who's dating one of the men on his team. He's a talented actor, accomplished star of stage, wonderful singer who is openly gay and proud. It doesn't hurt that he's adorable but...this guy has talent.

4) BIG BROTHER 9 - OK so this one is not technically new but it is a new season. And this time, it's a couples game. The problem with this is that the players that I like are being dragged down by the other half of the couple. Most, but not all, of the women this season are awful. Let's see...we have the trouble-maker who supposedly performed masturbatory manipulations on a guy AND a girl to get their vote to stay on the show (if you just watch the CBS show, you missed this...watch Big Brother After Dark on Showtime)...there's the wanna-be-actress slut who loves to gossip and can't shut up....oh hell...I have to leave this topic now or I'll go on for ages....

OK...enough rambling....now for something totally different:

I've finally begun using MYSPACE....it's interesting, fun, and almost addictive...
Love the site TRIBE.NET....this allows one to connect, discuss, learn and get to know people worldwide with the same interests and beliefs...for instance, I had a dream (details in a post yet to come...) that I wanted some input on from someone besides myself...sort of an interpretation...so I posted the tribe to one of my tribes and was able to get a quick, intelligent interpretation. YAY Tribe.net

Ah well.....enough rambling for now....I really should find a topic for these posts and not just babble.

Later!

"Hello Friends"

2008-02-22T08:46:00.002-05:00

Over the past few months, those of us who love to watch TV have had to deal with the ramifications of a writer's strike. Our favorite shows ended their season too soon (HEROES) or simply went on hiatus (Desperate Housewives).

I found my self relieving the "no new tv blues" in several ways. First, and the one I should be proud of, I read some books. I found an author who quickly became a fav....Michael Schiefelbein...and what does he write you might ask. Well, I've read two of his books...Vampire Vow and Vampire Thrall...so yeah he writes vampire fiction. Not just vampire fiction but hot erotic vampire fiction. Some people might be offended by his books due to the fact that Jesus Christ has a recurring role in this saga of Victor Decimus. I am not one of those people and, yes erotic horror...especially about vampires...is just good reading!!!!

Besides reading, I also dusted off the ole GameCube controller and played some video games. Actually completed two that I had not beaten yet....X-men Legends and Marvel's Rise of the Imperfects. Ahhhh a good martini and some senseless virtual superhero ass-kicking action....FUN FUN FUN after a long day at work!

Speaking of martinis, I also perfected a new favorite tini of mine....I'm just not sure what to call it....so I'll just call it mine for now. I use Voyant (a chai cream liquer), some Mexican coffee liquer (whose name escapes me) and some vodka...SHAKEN not stirred. AHHHHHH refreshing...and for an extra twist...sometimes I use some orange flavored vodka.

So where was I....books, games....OH YES....one thing that I'm not completely proud of....I watched...gulp....I watched...oh hell, I'll say it...I watch reality tv. Yes, I fought it for years but I broke down and watched. So I can now say that Project Runway and Make Me a Supermodel are must see shows for me. I must admit that Project Runway is quite entertaining. First the creativity of those competitors is astounding. Granted...lot of it is trash but it is creative trash...plus...the show has one other thing going for it...RAMI...don't believe me? check him out http://www.myspace.com/ramikashou

I can justify the Project Runway viewing (I'm serious...check out Rami) but justifying Make Me a Supermodel...well it's not as easy. It's a ridiculous show with mostly ridiculous contestants (Franki, Perry) but still....there is the subplot of young handsome gay Ronnie's love for the married prison gaurd turned model Ben. All I'm gonna say is that at least their on BRAVO...which adds a little more class (DO NOT BURST MY BUBBLE...OK....). And in just a few weeks....BRAVO unveils the new season of Top Chef.

So maybe I watched some reality TV...at least I didn't watch those oh so boring game shows on NBC and Fox AND....I didn't watch that unnecessary American Gladiators remake.

Ahhh....and the season of no new TV was blessed by some amazing re-runs. And I'm not talking about re-runs of current shows. No...I'm talking CLASSIC RERUNS....reruns of shows like The Beverly Hillbillies and The Andy Griffith Show (back when Barney was still on....) and of course...I Love Lucy. It says something that shows produced in the 50's, 60's, and 70's are still funny as shit today. Doubt me? Take a look at this and tell me it's not funny http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBcdRDB14e0

"Are you tired? Run down? listless? Do you pop out at parties? Are you unpoopular?"

Enough rambling for now.....Hasta La Bye Bye!!!!

CHANGE IS COMING

2008-02-14T15:41:00.005-05:00

It's inevitable...and most times welcomed!!!!

As you can see, I've started renovating my blog. I guess Paige Davis being back on Trading Spaces has had a positive effect on me!!!!!

STAY TUNED

CHANGE IS COMING

2008-02-14T15:41:00.003-05:00

Ah well....the best of intentions and all

2007-11-16T10:33:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I posted last and I didn't plan on such a long interval between posts...but...we don't always get to do what we plan. This semester has had a lot of time consuming projects for my class and for whatever reason since this time change, I'm all messed up.....waking up early early early and falling asleep shortly after getting home from work. I must take some time to ground myself this weekend and try to revive my energy. I'll let you know how that goes.

You'll notice I now have the trailer for "The Golden Compass" on this page. I'm looking forward to this movie as I'm a fan of the books. (and if I may queen out a bit right now...doesn't Nicole Kidman look FABULOUS???)

I was in another office on my campus today and heard someone tell someone else NOT to go see this movie. I asked why and the answer I got was that "it's warped and the writer is trying to kill god in the minds of children." OK, yes the author of the books is an atheist, so what? It's still a damned good fantasy trilogy that has a lot of action and suspense, and talking polar bears!?!?!

Why is it that some people cannot watch a movie for the pure enjoyment of it? Why do they have to see it as (and this is an exact quote) "trying to warp the minds of our children?" I'm Pagan/Wiccan and if I avoided movies that have christian undertones or messages, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the likes of "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe" (Which I'm not convinced was ever written as the epitome of christian symbolism....CS Lewis wrote an epic series and later, people claimed it was more than he meant it to be.) I say "Lighten the fuck up and have some fun!" Don't we all, occasionally, need a break from the harsh reality of the world today and just escape into some fantastic story?

Oh...and of course the catholic church is calling for a boycott of the movie...SURPRISE SURPRISE SURPRISE! What are they afraid of?

OK...I'm stepping down off my soap box for now....oh wait...before I do....Will any of YOU be seeing this movie? What are your thoughts?

OK...I'm down now!

It's been awhile....

2007-09-26T13:23:00.000-04:00

It's that time of year....starting of the fall semester...a busy busy time for those of us who work in higher education....made even busier when you're a student as well. My time has been taken for weeks now but hopefully I can reclaim it to some degree now and start posting more regularly.

Today is nothing big....just saying HEY and I'm back!

If you're reading this then you probably know how important music is to me. In the last two weeks, I've purchased two cds that I can highly recommend to anyone and everyone! If you get a chance, check these out:

"Hope & Glory" by Ann Wilson (YES...that Ann Wilson....it's her first solo cd and it is excellent!)

"The Awakening" by Melissa Etheridge (finally...after 4 years...a new CD from one of my favorites....I can say it was worth the wait!? Wasn't sure what to think when I heard that this would be a concept CD but it is phenomenally good...full of insight and love, hope and strength...)

God is in the People....by Melissa Etheridge

We keep thinking life is what its not

We keep building this impossible facade

Why do we keep trying to turn people into gods

When God is in the people

A Simple Love....by Melissa Etheridge

It's a simple love that holds us together

It's a simple truth that sets us free

There's a place we're bound

We call it forever

It's a simple love between you and me

December 12, 2012

2007-07-30T18:17:00.000-04:00

I was doing some research earlier today on White Buffalo Calf Woman and found a "prophecy" of sorts (more on this prophecy in a bit) which brought me around to another topic. As you probably know, the Mayan calendar ends on December 12, 2012 which of course brings up all sorts of questions about the end of time or the end of days. Most of what I've seen or read spells out a terrible, cataclysmic end to man. Being that my brain functions like it does, I started googling December 12, 2012 and found more of the same terrifying prophecies AND I found this: (Note: This comes from a website named ThreeWorldWars.com which I can honestly say that I'm not sure if they are being serious or if it is a very intricate joke. I kinda hope they are joking but something tells me they are not...since they claim World War Three is PLANNED?!?!?!)

Will the world end in 2012? No, it won’t.

Will there be a major cataclysm in 2012? Quite possibly.
This page examines some of the significances behind the date of December 12, 2012.
We are currently in a period of eleven years all of which have a day with the last two digits of the year repeated three times in mm/dd/yy form (or dd/mm/yy or yy/mm/dd). So May 5, 2005 was 05/05/05; June 6, 2006 will be 06/06/06; July 7, 2007 will be 07/07/07, etc. So what's going to happen on December 12, 2012?

December 12, 2012 is 6 years, 6 months, 6 days from June 6, 2006, or 6/6/6 (or 2381 days)

December 12, 2012 is 7 years from December 12, 2005 (or 2557 days). Are we now in the Seven Year Tribulation Period?

December 12, 2012 is 11 years, 3 months, 1 day from September 11, 2001 (or 4110 days)

If you look at the three bullet points above, can we not add some to these? Let's just assume that we can! So how about these:

December 12, 2012 is 4 years, 0 months, 8 days from December 4, 2008 (my 40th birthday...I'll be middle-aged! ARRRGH!!!)

December 12, 2012 is 6 years, 6 months, 7 days from June 5, 2006 or 6/6/7 (which is the supposed NEIGHBOR of the Beast according to some popular bumper stickers)

December 12, 2012 is 7 years, 10 months, 22 days from January 20, 2005 (which was the beginning of President Bush's second term in office)....NEED I SAY MORE????

Oh and one more thing about the information found on ThreeWorldWars.com...the last item they list as a matter of significance for 12/12/12 was that Prince William will be 30 years old. Is that an omen of something dire??

Why does it seem like some people are grasping at straws while others are trying to scare us into salvation OR damnation depending on whether or not you are the supposed chosen people? Why is it that most of these end day prophecies (at least the ones I have seen so don't get up in arms if I've missed some) come from Christian theologians based on interpretations of the Bible (whether they are accurate or not is a question for another day) or extremists who want to scare the wicked onto the path of righteousness OR as a reason to breed hatred of people who believe differently?

Now, when I started this post I mentioned that I had started by researching White Buffalo Calf Woman. In this research I found something I had not read before which is below. After reading this, maybe the date 12/12/12 doesn't mean the end of man or the end of days, but maybe the beginning of a new era...an era of peace and enlightenment and unity. All I ask is this...ISN'T IT POSSIBLE?

The following was taken from http://www.marythunder.com/Animals/Buffaloes/SacredWhiteBuffaloes/WhiteBuffaloCalfWoman.htm

2,000 years ago a beautiful young woman appeared to the Lakota Sioux.

She gave thepeople a sacred pipe and taught them how to use it to pray.

Before she left them, she said she would return.

She was known as White Buffalo Calf Woman.

~ In 1875, Tatanka Yotanka (Sitting Bull), was participating in the annual Sun Dance powwow at Standing Rock, Dakota Territory.

All at once, he collapsed into a trance.

In his vision, he found himself 400 miles to the west, in the hilly coulee country of eastern Montana.

There, Sitting Bull met WHITE BUFFALO CALF WOMAN, guardian spirit of the Lakota People.

She told him that in one year's time a big battle will be fought there.

The Lakotas will be victorious,she said, but victory will bring hardship.

However, White Buffalo Calf Woman told Sitting Bull that the Lakota people will experience a GREAT REVIVAL IN A FEW GENERATIONS.

[One year later, on the 25th June, 1876, theBattle of the Little Big Horn took place]

~In 1998, Floyd Hand, 19th holder ofWhite Buffalo Calf Woman's sacred medicine pipe, had a vivid dream of a beautiful woman in a rainbow-coloured dress who said she would bring a message of unity and peace to mankind. Very soon

A nation is coming

The whole world is coming

Over the whole earth

they are coming

A Nation is coming

Native American Prayer for the Grieving

2007-07-26T11:50:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine is going through a grieving period. At these times, with the exception of offering words of comfort and encouragement, we can do so little to assist our loved ones as they grieve. And yet....how wonderfully powerful our comfort and encouragement is. With this in mind, here's a prayer that has helped me...I hope it helps you all in some way!

I give you this one thought to keep -
I am with you still - I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone -
I am with you still -
in each new dawn

~~ Author Unknown ~~

A NEW THING

2007-07-20T14:28:00.001-04:00

As you may have noticed, I have been using the "title space" on this blog to relay the 9 insights of the Celestine Prophecy. I'm being compelled to change this to something new....so beginning today and for the near future...the "title space" will be just that...a title space.

As you will note, I have now added a section which will be used to relay some prayers or proverbs from the great nations of the Native American people. Profound doesn't begin to describe what these words were, are, and ever shall be. It is my hope that I, in some small way, will help keep these prayers alive for future generations!

OH...and on a lighter note....periodically, I'll be changing the "Quotes" section of the blog. These quotes may be profound, they may be pure drivel, but the one thing that I can promise...they will be funny! Humor is a necessity for us all....and I love to laugh...so laugh along with me!

Facing Fears

2007-07-20T13:30:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, I joined some friends on an excursion to Dollywood to ride the roller coasters. We had a fantastic day with lots of fun, screams, and my abundant use of the word "SHIT" while speeding along the tracks of those coasters. Last night, being too tired to sleep, I lay pondering the day and the fact that I rode every single roller coaster at that amusement park without a second thought. As early as 15 years ago, I would have been under extreme stress at the very thought of riding a roller coaster and, more often than not, I would have avoided even going to an amusement park. The things scared me to death....but....I faced my fear and now, I may still scream SHIT while on them but I'm on them and enjoying them.

I believe that part of the growing process is to deal with fears...to face them...and overcome them. We all have fears...at least I think we all have fears. In my humble opinion, only a fool isn't scared of something!

I have faced many fears and overcame most of them...but still there are a few that remain. I can face down a fear of hurling through the air at 60+ MPH on a metal monstrosity called The Mystery Mine, but have trouble telling the person I have feelings for that..well...that I have feelings for him. I ask myself why I can't tell him and the answer is fear...fear of not having the feelings returned. Now, my fear isn't the only thing that keeps me quiet as there are other circumstances as well...but the one part of the story that I must truly own as my own is the fear.

Circumstances being what they are keep me from facing the fear of telling of my feelings and not having them returned but also lead me to a new fear...one that I must and will face. The fear of living a life without someone I care deeply for. For my own sake, as much as for his, I will have to let go....it won't be easy and it won't be quick...but it must be done.

Why the rambling? Is there a point to this post? Well, hell....not really other than it is an outlet for me to have some release....OH wait....there is a point...and that is...

We must face our fears not just to overcome but to grow and become stronger. I can't say it any better than this:

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every expierence in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself. "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along."" ~~ Elenor Roosevelt

Pay Attention

2007-07-12T14:50:00.000-04:00

Why do we fail to see what is right in front of us until it is too late? Ahhh...what a question. And the answer is, well, the answer is one of three things IN MY HUMBLE OPINION. And those three things are:

We allow ourselves to become so busy and so distracted by stuff that, in the long run, is basically unimportant. OR
We are too stupid to see the truth of things. OR
We see the truth of things but refuse to accept it.

For myself, I would have to say it is a combination of all three!

Regardless of why we don't see it...sometimes Great Spirit smacks us upside the head and says PAY ATTENTION. It's important for us to listen to Great Spirit! Whether through our intuition or dreams or other more non-subtle ways, Great Spirit does not waste our time. I had one of the non-subtle messages from Great Spirit last night and, although I haven't quite figured it out yet, I am focusing on it and trying to hear the message! I was doing a search earlier for some Native American prayers and the first one that really stood out to me was all about listening to Great Spirit and finding the message wherever it is. That prayer reads:

Oh, Great Spirit
Whose voice I hear in the winds,
And whose breath gives life to all the world,
hear me, I am small and weak,
I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty and make my eyes ever behold
the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect the things you have
made and my ears sharp to hear your voice.
Make me wise so that I may understand the things
you have taught my people.
Let me learn the lessons you have
hidden in every leaf and rock.
I seek strength, not to be greater than my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy - myself.
Make me always ready to come to you
with clean hands and straight eyes.
So when life fades, as the fading sunset,
my Spirit may come to you without shame.

(translated by Lakota Sioux Chief Yellow Lark in 1887) published in Native American Prayers - by the Episcopal Church.

GOD IS ALIVE/MAGIC IS AFOOT

2007-07-10T13:59:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, we find a treasure that we never expected but once we have it, we realize how much we missed out until having it. This past weekend, I was thrilled to find that Barnes & Noble in Johnson City TN had a CD by Buffy Sainte-Marie (http://www.creative-native.com/). On this CD were several of my favorites by her (Universal Soldier, Piney Wood Hills, Up Where We Belong) and then there was another...one that I had never heard before. The words are by Leonard Cohen with music by Buffy Sainte-Marie. The song is moving to say the least....I get something new from it every time I read the lyrics or hear the song. Enjoy!

GOD IS ALIVE/MAGIC IS AFOOT

GOD IS ALIVE; MAGIC IS AFOOT

GOD IS AFOOT; MAGIC IS ALIVE

ALIVE IS AFOOT...

MAGIC NEVER DIED.

GOD NEVER SICKENED;

MANY POOR MEN LIED

MANY SICK MEN LIED

MAGIC NEVER WEAKENED

MAGIC NEVER HID

MAGIC ALWAYS RULED

GOD IS AFOOT

GOD NEVER DIED.

GOD WAS RULER

THOUGH HIS FUNERAL LENGTHENED

THOUGH HIS MOURNERS THICKENED

MAGIC NEVER FLED

THOUGH HIS SHROUDS WERE HOISTED

THE NAKED GOD DID LIVE

THOUGH HIS WORDS WERE TWISTED

THE NAKED MAGIC THRIVED

THOUGH HIS DEATH WAS PUBLISHED

ROUND AND ROUND THE WORLD

THE HEART DID NOT BELIEVE

MANY HURT MEN WONDERED

MANY STRUCK MEN BLED

MAGIC NEVER FALTERED

MAGIC ALWAYS LED.

MANY STONES WERE ROLLED

BUT GOD DID NOT LIE DOWN

MANY WILD MEN LIED

MANY FAT MEN LISTENED

THOUGH THEY OFFERED STONES

MAGIC STILL WAS FED

THOUGH THEY LOCKED THEIR COFFERS

GOD WAS ALWAYS SERVED.

MAGIC IS AFOOT, GOD RULES.

ALIVE IS AFOOT, ALIVE IS IN COMMAND.

MANY WEAK MEN HUNGERED

MANY STRONG MEN THRIVED

THOUGH THEY BOASTED SOLITUDE

GOD WAS AT THEIR SIDE

NOR THE DREAMER IN HIS CELL

NOR THE CAPTAIN ON THE HILL

MAGIC IS ALIVE

THOUGH HIS DEATH WAS PARDONED

ROUND AND ROUND THE WORLD

THE HEART DID NOT BELIEVE.

THOUGH LAWS WERE CARVED IN MARBLE

THEY COULD NOT SHELTER MEN

THOUGH ALTARS BUILT IN PARLIAMENTS

THEY COULD NOT ORDER MEN

POLICE ARRESTED MAGIC

AND MAGIC WENT WITH THEM,

FOR MAGIC LOVES THE HUNGRY.

BUT MAGIC WOULD NOT TARRY

IT MOVES FROM ARM TO ARM

IT WOULD NOT STAY WITH THEM

MAGIC IS AFOOT

IT CANNOT COME TO HARM

IT RESTS IN AN EMPTY PALM

IT SPAWNS IN AN EMPTY MIND

BUT MAGIC IS NO INSTRUMENT

MAGIC IS THE END.

MANY MEN DROVE MAGIC

BUT MAGIC STAYED BEHIND

MANY STRONG MEN LIED

THEY ONLY PASSED THROUGH MAGIC

AND OUT THE OTHER SIDE

MANY WEAK MEN LIED

THEY CAME TO GOD IN SECRET

AND THEY THEY LEFT HIM NOURISHED

THEY WOULD NOT SAY WHO HEALED

THOUGH MOUNTAINS DANCED BEFORE THEM

THEY SAID THAT GOD WAS DEAD

THOUGH HIS SHROUDS WERE HOISTED

THE NAKED GOD DID LIVE

THIS I MEAN TO WHISPER TO MY MIND

THIS I MEAN TO LAUGH WITH IN MY MIND

THIS I MEAN MY MIND TO SERVE 'TIL

SERVICE IS BUT MAGIC

MOVING THROUGH THE WORLD

AND MIND ITSELF IS MAGIC

COURSING THROUGH THE FLESH

AND FLESH ITSELF IS MAGIC

DANCING ON A CLOCK

AND TIME ITSELF THE MAGIC LENGTH OF GOD

Time passes

2007-07-03T12:09:00.000-04:00

2007 is halfway done! I can't believe it....it seems like time passes so much faster the older I get....in the blink of an eye 6 months pass. I've spent some time the last few days reflecting on the past 6 months. Here are some bullet points of my year so far:

I have lost a friend and valued employee. Just as I seem to be getting over the loss, something happens to remind me. Last week, I met with an advisee who did not know of Beverly's passing so I had to go through the story with him...re-opening some almost closed wounds.
I have gone through the process of hiring a new assistant director and, thankfully, have found a wonderful replacement for Beverly.
I have fallen in love...sure it's with someone I can never have...but it's still love. This seems to be a regular thing for me...falling for the unattainable!....I should find out what is behind that!
I have started a new leg of my spiritual journey which is leading me to some amazing discoveries of self and deeper understandings of people and events. Great Spirit leads me where I"m supposed to go, not necessarily where I want to go so this new journey has brought about a renewed joy in my deepest beliefs. Great Spirit is leading me down a winding path and around ever turn, a new vision...sometimes scary...sometimes beautiful...but always wondrous!
I celebrated the summer solstice in solitude on the beach in Kitty Hawk, NC. What joy it was to watch the sun rise over the ocean!
I spent time with one of my favorite people in the world before she left for her new job in Houston Texas! I'm so very proud of her and wish her only the best. Maureen...you'll make a fine college president. I only wish it were closer to home!
I have faced the fear of losing my father and realized that as much as I do not get along with my relatives, I'm not ready to say goodbye to them all. It has been a tumultous two years for me on the relative front...having lost a grandfather that never took the time to know me and, for my own sake and sanity, cutting off ties to relatives that are unhealthy for me to be around.
I have solidified my true family and, hopefully, will be adding a new member soon!

All in all....while not my best year so far....there's always tomorrow!

I'm baaaaack!

2007-05-23T09:29:00.000-04:00

It has been a rough, stressful, busy few months since the passing of my assistant director. Work has kept me very busy and very tired but things are looking up. My new assistant starts this Friday which will make things much better for me and allow me to do my own thing more often!

A lot has happened over the past few months that I would have normally blogged about but that is in the past and I see no need to bring all that up so here's to the future....

Spiritually, things have been very active for me in the past few weeks. I find myself surrounded by some very strong, very masculine, very positive energies. I'm not sure where these energies are coming from but I thank Great Spirit every day for it.

Short but sweet today!

Loss

2007-03-13T07:42:00.000-04:00

Last week, my assistant director, my right hand, my friend Beverly passed away unexpectedly. It has given me great comfort to know that she passed peacefully in her sleep and did not feel pain. Her faith in God has also provided comfort. Many people question my beliefs simply because I am not a Christian. They do not realize that just because I do not go to church and I don't call God by the same name that they do, that doesn't mean I do not believe. Beverly has begun the next part of her incredible journey and, as painful as it is, those of us who knew her must move on. I know that, for myself, it will be a long time before I'm ready to move on. Selfish as it may sound, I'm not quite ready to say good-bye. I cherish the last week that Beverly and I had working together. We laughed and cut up, enjoying the work and the fellowship that working side by side in a small office affords.

Beverly knew that how much I respected, relied on, and cared for her. However, in these past few days, I've spent a great deal of time reflecting on my life and know that some changes are needed. The first, and perhaps, most important is that I will not take for granted those people I care for. I will not assume that they know how I feel about them. I will tell them and show them in as many ways as I can.

Please take the time to tell those people that you care for in your own lives how important they are to you. You never know when the next joke or hug or smile will be the last.

"Into The West"

by Annie Lennox

Lay down

Your sweet and weary head

Night is falling

You’ve come to journey's end

Sleep now

And dream of the ones who came before

They are calling

From across the distant shore

Why do you weep?

What are these tears upon your face?

Soon you will see

All of your fears will pass away

Safe in my arms

You're only sleeping

What can you see

On the horizon?

Why do the white gulls call?

Across the sea

A pale moon rises

The ships have come to carry you home

And all will turn

To silver glass

A light on the water

All souls pass

Hope fades

Into the world of night

Through shadows falling

Out of memory and time

Don't say: «We have come now to the end»

White shores are calling

You and I will meet again

And you'll be here in my arms

Just sleeping

And all will turn

To silver glass

A light on the water

Grey ships pass

Into the West

Random Thoughts and other stuff

2007-03-02T10:34:00.000-05:00

This week has been a week from hell...LOL...OK so it wasn't that bad but my Multivariate Statistics midterm certainly made it feel that way! But it's over and done with...can't stress it any more and won't. The midterm is the reason I haven't posted all week...so now I'm ready to get caught up. This post has no real rhyme nor reason...just random thoughts.

First random thought...and if you have a good answer...PLEASE SHARE! Why is it that the older we get, time seems to go by faster and faster? I mean it just seems like yesterday that we were starting the spring semester and here it is...Spring Break!

Random thought about TV...I was watching some re-airings of the show Star Trek: Voyager this week. One episode brought the crew of Voyager to a planet where the entire population was made up of telepaths. In their desire to rid their society of violence, the telepaths outlawed violent thought because they believed that violent thoughts led to violent behavior. The episode intrigued me because on the surface, their society seemed very advanced and enlightened. Yet underneath there was more going on. First, the governments involvement...if an individual did have a violent thought, they were immediately "rehabilitated" by having the violent thought eradicated from their memory ingrams. How enlightened were they truly if they allowed their citizens to be subjected to such a procedure which, in a way, was a violent, torturous method of trying to prevent violence? Second, when something is outlawed for the good of a people, then a void must be filled. These enlightened people began dealing in blackmarket violent thoughts. There were pushers who would sell the thoughts to anyone who would pay. The entire episode, to me, was a brilliant look at our own society's history, current events, and future.

Next random thought...Tomorrow night (3/3) we can expect a full moon AND a total lunar eclipse visible in VA from moonrise (approximately 6 PM) until around 8 PM. This has to mean something cosmic for those of us who are attuned to lunar magick/energies. I wonder...good or bad?

This reminds me of a conversation I had with my then 7-year old godson last summer. We were outside and the moon was full and bright. I referred to the moon as "she" and he corrected me that the moon is not female. Tempted as I was, I chose not to try and explain to him that the moon has long been referred to as "she" because, to many, the moon is symbolic of the Goddess. I'm sure his methodist minister would have me taken out and beaten if I tried teaching about the Goddess. It amazes me how so many enlightened Christians refuse to acknowledge that the Goddess has a place even in their history. But, I cannot blame them since the knowledge of the Christian Goddess, Sophia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sophia_(gnosticism), has been all but eradicated by a patriarchal regime. I wonder, are Gnostic Christians considered heretics for wanting to know and teach truth? Are they wrong in believing that knowledge will bring enlightenment?

Random lyric insertion...OK...maybe not so random considering the last paragraph...the lyrics are from Tori Amos' "Original Sinsuality"

There was a garden

In the beginning

Before the fall

Before Genesis

There was a tree there

A tree of knowledge

Sophia would insist

You must eat of this
Original sin?
No, I don't think so
Original sinsuality
Original sin?
No, it should be
Original sinsuality
Original sin?
No, I don't think so
Original sinsuality
Yaldaboath
Saklas
I'm calling you
Samael
You are not alone
I say
You are not alone
In your darkness
You are not alone
Baby
You are not alone
Next Random tidbit...I want to go back to Arizona! I was just outside here and the sky is beautifully blue and cloudless. I was reminded of Arizona where the sky is so much bluer than it is here. I highly recommend that everyone visit Sedona, Arizona at least once...but let me tell you, if you go once you WILL want to go back. I have yet to find a more beautiful, energized, spiritual place than I found in Sedona.
Final Randomness for now...I love movies and, yet, I rarely find myself compelled to watch them on the big screen. But, occasionally, some movies come along that I have to see on the big screen. The last three that I remember going to see in a theater were Brokeback Mountain, Xmen: The Last Stand and Pirates of the Caribbean 2. Yet, now there are two movies out in March 2007 alone that I will see on the big screen and they are Zodiac (not only is one of my favorite actors, Jake Gyllenhaal, in it but the story fascinates me) and 300 (http://300themovie.warnerbros.com/ ...judging from the trailers alone, I will be blown away by this movie). There are several movies scheduled to open this summer that will also draw me to the the cinema: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Spiderman 3 (OK...so I have a thing for superhero movies), and The Reaping.
In conclusion...I warned you this post would be random. Did I lie? Maybe it is the midterm...maybe it is the sinues infection I have...maybe it is just me, but I'm feeling very random today. This weekend is going to be a retreat for me. I need to rest, relax, and re-center myself. I do not think it is a coincidence that there is a full moon AND a lunar eclipse this weekend. I asked earlier in the post if this cosmic event would bring good or bad...I know it will bring good! So take the time, this weekend, to enjoy yourself. Relax and live in the moment. Avoid all stress, if possible, and reflect on what and who you hold dear!

God Consciousness

2007-02-23T13:51:00.000-05:00

People want to know what is God, and what is God consciousness. The reality is that consciousness IS God. Consciousness is totally singular, as is God. They are two names for one thing. The illusion is that there is an individual separate from God or separate from consciousness. The 'individual' seeks to know God or to be in God consciousness. But first one must understand what that individual is.

The 'individual' says "I am this or that". There is an assumption that they are limited, that the consciousness of 'I am' is limited. But when 'I am' is not equated with this or that, when it remains simply as consciousness, as awareness, it has no boundary. This is the consciousness which is 'God'. In the Bible, God says, "I am that I Am". Not that God is this or that, but consciousness itself. The best example that can be given is that of the ocean and the wave. A wave is nothing but the ocean. A wave has no individuality of it's own. It is in fact only the ocean taking the form of a wave, pushing up as a wave. If the wave believes it is separate from the ocean, it may wish to reunite with the ocean. But water is water. There is not a boundary where the wave ends and the ocean begins. It is only the form which arises that suggests waveness different from the ocean.

If the wave were to inquire as to what it actually is, it would find that it is nothing but water. Not water as wave, but simply water. In the same way, if we inquire as to what we are, what is our pure subjectivity, we find that we are simply consciousness. All of the this's and that's are not what we are. When we say "I am this" or "I am that", we are identifying with an object. Even a statement like "I am consciousness" identifies us with something. But when we recognize that we are ONLY consciousness, there is nothing to limit us. The wave saying, "I am the ocean" suggests that there are two things, the wave and the ocean. But when God says, "I am that I am", there is not two things, only one. When we let go of any and every identification other than being pure consciousness, we are no longer limited to individuality or form. We are what is. There is not a separation between the consciousness that we are and the consciousness that God is. They are one consciousness. God arising or occurring as human, as everything. So the question is not, "What is God consciousness?", but rather, "What is NOT God consciousness?" It is only a matter of letting go of all identifications, including being God or not being God, being individual or not being individual. Simply be as pure consciousness, I am that I am, and then you are that all.

Essay by Aja, a Vedic Priest
http://www.newconnexion.net/article/07-00/whatis.html

Music Speaks

2007-02-21T13:21:00.000-05:00

I love music! I can listen to most any type except hip-hop/rap and most of what today is considered rock. Usually, I just listen to whatever strikes my fancy. If I'm driving to work and feeling all upbeat and energized, I might listen to some techno or "dance" while a more subdued, down day might find me listening to some soft, heart-wrenching ballads. But you know what I mean, I think we all do the same thing.

Sometimes, however, I am drawn to a specific artist or even a specific song. Wherever I am at that point, something from that artist or song is speaking to me on some level. I'm not sure why when I start listening and often, I don't know why when I'm done listening. I do believe, however, that some part of me feets a need to hear a specific message and while my conscious mind might not know why, I don't dwell on it...I just go with the flow.

For the past three weeks, Tori Amos had really been speaking to me...as she often does! Today however, I woke up with one song in my head and that song has stayed with me all day. Even now, it is running through my head quietly in the background. I'm struck by the realization that my need to hear this song actually started yesterday as I am positive it is tied into my current yearning for something that I don't have. Within the last half an hour, the need to hear the song has also been augmented by a desire to really read the lyrics and so, I'm posting them here for you to read too.

Cellophane
by Casey Stratton

through the cellophane
you suffocate
not as fast as i would
chained to me
like a son to me
slippery tongue runs over
and you move as fast as you like
where are you now when i need you?
pierce through these shadows and find me
freezing cold- god has left me alone
he never cared at all
soon i break
for isabelle's sake
turn myself into a photograph
maybe there
like an angel there
see my cup runneth over
and you move as fast as you like
plastic souls
melting- out of control
they slip away
feeble hearts
frightened- passing out
you are only as cold as the darkness you make

A week's worth of stuff

2007-02-16T08:41:00.000-05:00

So it hasn't been the best week but it has certainly been interesting and has not been the worst. Starting with last weekend, I was visiting my family in upper East Tennessee. The family I'm speaking of is my best friend, Bobby, and his partner, Larry. When I need to get away and just chill, I go to see them. They help me relax and rejuvenate. Their home is full of wonderful energy and is my shelter from any storm!

Saturday night we went to dinner with some friends of theirs. There was one gay couple, four straight couples, and me...single me. I was a little apprehensive because a) I didn't really know most of the people there and b) I was the only single person. My apprehension was quickly relieved. These were some of most accepting, giving, and fun people that I have met in a long time. One of the couples, Kirk and Kim, went out of their way to make sure I had fun and I did, evident by the fact that after dinner we went to Kirk and Kim's home to have some drinks and sing karaoke...AND Yes, I sang...which surprised even me because I can't sing a note!

We...ok...I have to sometimes force myself to get out of my safety shell...to experience new things and meet new people...both good and bad. The weekend was a much needed reminder to me that there are still some very good people in the world!

Much of this week, I've been fighting a cold. All I can say is whoever created AIRBORNE deserves a freakin medal! The homeopathic "medicine" helps to shorten the life of the cold and helps lessen the symptoms.

On to Thursday....my statistics class day....UGH...as if that weren't enough, I was forced to deal with a sociopath who has started harassing someone I know. That is most definitely an experience that I do not wish on anyone!

Luckily, a very dear member of my family...Maureen, the new president of a college in Houston...YAY MAUREEN...sent me a terrifically funny website that helped brighten my Thursday. You should check it out.... http://www.fakegaynews.com ....It's a riot!

And now it's Friday...finally! Nothing really to rant about this week...nothing that riled me up...so I'll leave you with this for today:

Find some time this weekend to be with those you love...Find some time to be alone and do something that makes you happy...Whatever it is, enjoy it to the fullest. I will lift a glass of wine in toast to you all and hope that you have a fun, safe weekend! And those of you who are traveling...you know who you are...don't do anything I wouldn't do...but then...that leaves you a lot to try!

Rant for the week!

2007-02-09T13:30:00.000-05:00

OK...so this is my second post today...the first was simply my question for the week. I look forward to the response I get to it and will, early next week, answer that same question myself.

You see, I was going to dive right into my answer to the question BUT...I am, yet again, sidetracked by something else...so on to my rant...

Anna Nicole Smith is dead.

I'm sorry for her friends and family, especially her baby daughter. Smith seemed to be a very troubled soul and, let's not kid ourselves, we all expected her life to end this way. It was a tragic inevitability that she would die young!

I awoke this morning, as I do most mornings, to my radio alarm going off and bringing me my first dose of the "Bob and Sheri" morning talk show. They were discussing the media coverage of Smith's death. Now, maybe I live under a rock sometimes, but I had not heard of the death simply because I rarely watch news programs because of the innane substance that is now considered news (plus I had class last night and performing ANCOVA's was my focus).

By the time I was fully awake and out of bed, I was sure that the coverage of Smith's death would have calmed down since she died yesterday and today is another day. I could not have been more WRONG. As her death was inevitable, so too was the media coverage!

I turn on my local tv station to check out the weather for the weekend and what is the number one story on WSLS 10 out of Roanoke??? No, the number one story was not the local story of a young mother and her two daughters who died in a tragic fire Wednesday night. The number one story on WSLS was the death of Anna Nicole Smith and they (WSLS) even had a local psychiatrist giving expert opinion as to what may have caused the death. CNN, Fox News, they all were and probably still are innundating the airwaves with speculation on what caused the death AND/OR more ridiculous interviews with "eye witnesses" who can only say..."Yes I saw them bring her in but she was covered up on the stretcher"...

Who decided OR decides what is news to the United States of America? When did news become more about crap than actual news? When did Paris Hilton become more important to us than the deaths of our military personnel who are fighting a war that should never have started or the blatant misuse of power that some in our elected government are guilty of? (And please...if someone can tell me why Hilton is a celebrity, please let me know! What has she done other than grow up rich?)

Am I wrong in my assessment that today's news is mostly glitzy, glammy crap? Maybe...but, I don't think so. It is currently 2:10 PM on Friday, February 9, 2007 as I write this. I just went to CNN.com to see what they had as their most prominent story...and yes, not surprisingly, it was about Anna Nicole Smith. You have to scroll down and really look for the report about the violence that has been taking place in Jerusalem today! Enough said?

Question of the week?

2007-02-09T13:29:00.001-05:00

Which is more important....to be religious or to be spiritual?

A ray of hope in our busy lives?

2007-02-07T16:25:00.000-05:00

The past couple of days have been very busy at work and at home trying to complete multivariate linear regressions for my statistics course. UGH!!!!!

Sunday a friend of mine pointed out what some might consider a ray of hope....you decide....

01.20.09

know what it is? sure you do....hope it offers some bit hope for you!!!!

Lyrical meaning

2007-02-05T14:46:00.000-05:00

It intrigues me how many people can read the same poem, story, or song lyric and get complete different meanings out of it. We each find our own truth in what we read and, often times...perhaps more often than not, it is directly opposite of the truth a friend may find in the same thing.

If you're reading this and wish to take part...I would like to try a little experiment. Below are the lyrics to the song "Crucify" by Tori Amos. Please read them carefully and, if you're so inclined, let me know what you believe she is saying...

"Crucify"

Every finger in the room

is pointing at me

I wanna spit in their faces

Then I get afraid of what that could bring

I got a bowling ball in my stomach

I got a desert in my mouth

Figures that my courage would choose to sell our now

I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets

looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets

I've been raising up my hands

Drive another nail in

Just what God needs

One more victim

[Chorus:]

Why do we

Crucify ourselves

Every day

I crucify myself

Nothing I do is good enough for you

Crucify myself

Every day

And my heart is sick of being in chains

Got a kick for a dog

Beggin' for Love

I gotta have my suffering

So that I can have my cross

I know a cat named Easter

He says will you ever learn

You're just an empty cage girl

If you kill the bird

I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets

looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets

I've been raising up my hands

Drive another nail in

Got enough guilt to start

my own religion

Please be

Save me

I cry

[Chorus:]

Why do we

Crucify ourselves

Every dayI crucify myself

Nothing I do is good enough for you

Crucify myself

Every day

And my heart is sick of being in chains

Mother Earth Prayer

2007-02-02T16:01:00.000-05:00

Great Spirit, Great Spirit, My Grandfather,

All over the earth the faces of living things are all alike. . .

Look upon these faces of children without number

And with children in their arms,

That they may face the winds and

Walk the good road to the day of quiet. . .

There is no death. . .

Only a change of worlds. . .

Only a change of worlds.

Bring Me a Garden

2007-02-01T11:37:00.000-05:00

"Bring Me a Garden"

Casey Stratton

Lay me down to sleep now

I'm tired

I can't go on like this

And bring me a garden

With lilies and kindness

The world needs more sacred love

I won't be destroyed

I won't be terrorized

Hillsides are burning

Destruction upon us

Chaos surrounds our sight

So build me a garden

With roses and goodness

The world needs more inner joy

Rehab

2007-02-01T09:38:00.000-05:00

2006 was ripe with celebrities coming out of the closet...some voluntarily...some not so. One very brave individual, TR Knight, came out because one of his Grey's Anatomy castmates used the derogatory term FAGGOT to describe Knight...not once but twice. Now that castmate is in "rehab"! Can a person's prejudices be rehabilitated?

Last week, I was surfing the satellite to find something worth watching on TV. My interest was grabbed by an ad for The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency when one of her new male models was offered the cover of Instinct Magazine. Why would that grab my attention? Simple...Instinct Magazine only puts out gay men on their cover and it was unknown if this model was gay. So Janice had to approach the model with the magazine's offer and find out if the man was gay. The episode ended last week with the question in the air...and the model, JP Calderon, looking very agitated. Was he agitated because he was straight and his sexuality was being questioned OR was he agitated because he was facing coming out?

Last night, we found out that it was the latter. Calderon is, in fact, gay and came out in a BIG WAY. He was noticeably uncomfortable with the situation and when asked about it, he replied that he didn't want to lose his masculinity and did not want to be stereotyped negatively.

I was both outraged by and sympathetic to his feelings. I asked myself why...why was I upset? Why was he having this fear of losing his masculinity? Why the fear of negative stereotyping?

It's the 21st century and still so many gays, lesbians and transgenders are afraid to be themselves. Is this fear the result of persecution from conservative, "religious" bigots? Yes it is...but we can't blame it all on them. (I'm pausing now so you can gasp at my last statement.) I say it again, we cannot blame it all on them! We, the gay community, are also to blame. How can we expect to be treated with equality and respect, when so many of us do not show that respect to our own community?

There are so many of us who make derogatory comments about someone who is too fem, too flaming, too butch, too big, too old, too weird... We are different from heterosexuals and we're proud to be different but at the same time, we are unwilling to accept the differences within our own community.

The gay community and supporters have come so far in our fight for rights, equality, recognition but we have far to go. We can't expect to win over our opposition if we can't win over ourselves!

Referring back to my first question, can a person's prejudices be rehabilitated? I have no idea, but if it can be done, we all need to go in for treatment!

World on Fire

2007-01-30T08:15:00.000-05:00

"World On Fire"
Sarah McLachlan

Hearts are worn in these dark ages
You're not alone in this story's pages
The light has fallen amongst the living and the dying
And I'll try to hold it in, yeah I'll try to hold it in

The world's on fire and
It's more than I can handle
I'll tap into the water
(Try and bring my share)
I try to bring more
More than I can handle
(Bring it to the table)
Bring what I am able

I watch the heavens but I find no calling
Something I can do to change what's coming
Stay close to me while the sky is falling
Don't wanna be left alone, don't wanna be alone

The world's on fire and
It's more than I can handle
I'll tap into the water
(Try and bring my share)
I try to bring more
More than I can handle
(Bring it to the table)
Bring what I am able

Hearts break, hearts mend
Love still hurts
Visions clash, planes crash
Still there's talk of
Saving souls, still the cold
Is closing in on us

We part the veil on our killer sun
Stray from the straight line on this short run
The more we take, the less we become
The fortune of one that means less for some

And so it begins

2007-01-29T14:20:00.000-05:00

For someone who works with technology daily, I am a little out of it. I must admit that I'm one of the last to jump onboard with the new, hip technological means for expressing one's views and beliefs and for meeting people from all parts of this magnificent planet.

I've opened up a myspace account and not yet completed my page...which is typical. I have very little time to do so.

And now...here I am with a blog...will this fare any better than my little corner of the myspace world? I can say with near 100% certainty that YES, the blog will survive. And why, you may ask, will this be any different? (Hell...go on...ask, I know I did)

Simple...I'm a gay, war-hating, spiritual democrat living in rural southwest Virginia trying to figure out my place in the universe, where I've been and where I'm going. With that description of me, isn't it obvious I have some strong ideas and opinions? And what better place to rant and rave than via the blog.

So what can you, the potential reader, expect from this blog? Humor, opinions, information, challenges, literary quotes, song lyrics, ...and a helluva lot of fun!

I warn you now...up front...in the beginning...any opinions expressed by me are just that...my opinions. I do not mean to alienate or offend anyone with my opinions. If you agree with me, great. If you disagree, great...I welcome discussion and, it's been known to happen, maybe you can change my mind on something! Then again, maybe not.