If you're reading this and wish to take part...I would like to try a little experiment. Below are the lyrics to the song "Crucify" by Tori Amos. Please read them carefully and, if you're so inclined, let me know what you believe she is saying...
"Crucify"
Every finger in the room
is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell our now
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what God needs
One more victim
[Chorus:]
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
And my heart is sick of being in chains
Got a kick for a dog
Beggin' for Love
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my cross
I know a cat named Easter
He says will you ever learn
You're just an empty cage girl
If you kill the bird
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
my own religion
Please be
Save me
I cry
[Chorus:]
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every dayI crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
And my heart is sick of being in chains
2 comments:
To me, these lyrics have obvious Christian overtones. Crucifixion, guilt, pointing fingers (judgment), savior, dirty, nail…got enough guilt to start my own religion…yep, religion is infamous for putting people on a guilt trip!
Also, these lyrics reveal the need of individuals to feel accepted and loved. They reveal the fear that many feel at the prospect of defying the organized religious establishment. We who have done that very thing know that feeling of fear very well!
“Just what God needs, one more victim.” THE VICTIM MENTALITY! The idea of a bloodthirsty, vengeful God coming through. That’s the gist of fundamentalist and evangelical Christianity (and some mainline denominations). Dunno why we choose to believe this??? …that there must be suffering, death, and excruciating pain for salvation to come forth….maybe from childbirth? Dunno??
“Nothing I say is good enough for you…Crucify myself…Every day…and my heart is sick of being in chains.” I crucified myself every day for years, denying, suppressing, and hating who I really am (a creation in the image of the Holy). I crucified myself every day why? To feel accepted and loved. To “fit in.” To follow the guidelines of the organized religious establishment. Finally, my heart became sick of being in chains – chains of religious conformity. I am now free.
I totally agree that there are Christian undertones...due in part to Tori's upbringing I'm sure...Her father, I believe, was a Baptist minister.
The lyrics speak to me a little differently....I see it as this:
We are all judged by other people...which should not happen. Yet, we do nothing to stop it and because of the judging from others, we begin judging ourselves. We judge ourselves to the extent of "crucifying ourselves" with self-doubt and even self-hatred.
When she speaks of being "one more victim", I see it as victim to ourselves moreso than a victim to others.
When faced with the chance to stand-up for ourselves and do not do it, we victimize ourselves. We do not respect or love ourselves and yet, as you pointed out, we need to feel accepted and loved.
Luckily for some, you and me for instance, we have that moment of clarity where we see what is being done to us by ourselves and others. We stand up for ourselves and will no longer be the victim.
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